Article URL:http://expert-relationship-advice.blogspot.com/
Title: Proven Steps to Creating Passion and Joy In Your Relationship
Author: Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
Author Contact Email: topspeaker@yahoo.com
Category: Relationships / Advice / Self Help
Word Count: 987
Description: Many feelings masquerade as love.
Dependency, attachment and possessiveness are just a
few. Below I have offered several touchstones to love,
which are touchstones to help you separate counterfeit
love from the real thing.
------------------------------------------------------
Dear Publishers,
Please feel free to publish the following article (in
its entirety) in your publications as long as the bio
at the end of the article is included and the link is
made active at websites and if possible, in
newsletters. Please do not make changes without
permission. A courtesy copy of the publication this
article is included in would be appreciated; my e-mail
is topspeaker@yahoo.com
------------------------------------------------------
Self Help Techniques to Creating Passion, Joyful and
Healthy Relationships
By Brenda Shoshanna Ph.D.
Many feelings masquerade as love. Dependency,
attachment and possessiveness are just a few. Below I
have offered several touchstones to love, which are
touchstones to help you separate counterfeit love from
the real thing.
All people want love, then when they get it they
become afraid and start running in the opposite
direction. On the one hand, they want love and to be
in a relationship; on the other hand, they are
relieved to get away. It always seems to as if
relationships are difficult; difficult to find,
difficult to keep and difficult to enjoy.
The fundamental truth is there is never a scarcity of
relationships, there is never a scarcity of love. Love
is our natural condition. Why aren't we in it all the
time? What is it that makes us run from the love we
are so hungry for? What drives people from the arms of
each other, and what would it take to keep them there?
In order to answer this question, first we have to
understand the difference between Real and Counterfeit
love.
Most of us live with the mirage of love rather than
the real thing. Like a mirage, Counterfeit love is
false and can never bring true satisfaction. Like all
mirages, when Counterfeit Love is seen for what it is,
it evaporates, leaving no room the real thing. No on
runs from love that is real; they cannot. It's too
nourishing and too rare. But counterfeit love traps
you, scares you, keeps you on the run.
Counterfeit love gives a mirage of water in the
desert, and we all know that a mirage wont quench your
thirst.
Many feelings masquerade as love; dependency,
attachment and possessiveness are just a few. Below I
have offered several touchstones to love, which are
touchstones to help you separate counterfeit love from
the real thing. To begin, we will first look at some
needs and patterns inside people that keeps them from
really being with the other people, and potential
mates, in front of them.
Waiting For The Perfect Partner
Many people have a secret fantasy which whispers that
a perfect partner is somewhere, waiting for them. This
perfect partner will not only accept them fully as
they express the parts of themselves that are hidden,
but will also bring out the best in them. Rather than
criticize, demean and demand from them, the partner
will give unconditionally and fulfill his/her needs.
Fantasy should not be discounted, as it constitutes
much of life.
Step 1
Rather than looking for perfection outside of yourself
by seeking another, find the perfection in yourself
right now. List five things you accept and like about
yourself.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Add to this list everyday. Focus upon what is good in
yourself, and the parts you don't like will fade away.
No other person can make you whole. In order to find
your perfect partner, you must become what it is you
want to find.
Step 2
Some use the quest for a perfect mate as a way to
rejected and avoid being with the real people who come
into our lives now. It is a way of avoiding fears that
we may have of relationships. See if that is what you
are doing. Is it safer to have a fantasy than a real
flesh and blood person to build a life with?
Answer the following questions. What are the
advantages to having a relationship? How will it
improve your life? List as many as you can think of.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What are the disadvantages to having a relationship?
How will it affect your live negatively? List as many
as you can think of.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
In order to resolve any concerns you have about
relationships, you first must be aware and understand
of them. Now that you have made your lists, please
examine the disadvantages. Fantasy is a way of
avoiding confronting such feelings. They must not be
discounted, and you should ponder them closely. They
constitute important obstacles standing in your way of
having the relationship you desire. With this new
awareness, you are now enabled to begin to resolve
these concerns.
Step 3
How to deal with people who are waiting for the
perfect mate. Be aware when a person is seeking
In image, know that you will never perfectly fill that bill.
Be who you are. Don't turn yourself into someone you
think he/she will enjoy. They will know what you are
doing, loserespect, run away.
Be warm and caring. Touch your mate softly. Don't
reject his/her fantasies. If he/she is a person who is
controlled by his peer group, see if you fit into
his/her group image? For some people, the perfect
person is stable, without too much passion. For
others, it's just the opposite. Find out who the
person is. If you do not fit his/her image, say
good-bye, don't conform.
Realize that everything changes. What seems perfect
one day will seem flawed the next. Examine your
feelings about yourself, the ways in which you feel
imperfect. Work on these issues directly; Another
person can never complete something you are lacking
within.
See if your desire for perfection is simply a
way of avoiding falling from love. It is easier to
focus on what is wrong with a person than on what is
right? Make a practice of finding everything that is
right about all the people you meet, day after day.
This will bring you an entirely new perception of
people and of life. Accept your own flaws, do not
judge them. The more you love and accept yourself, the
more perfect others will seem.
Rather than look down upon others, make an effort to
focus upon their beauty and goodness. Even if he/she
isn't the right one for you, you can train yourself to
find reality positive and comforting.
-------------------------------------------------------
Download now: WHY MEN LEAVE"and other
unexpected surprises" As seen on national TV
"The #1 self help relationship program today"
Clinical Psychologist, International award winning
author, and founder of Everyone Wins Mediation,
Dr. Shoshanna has helped thousands resolve
conflicts and discover renewed happiness as
individuals, couples, and as family units.
Copyright © 2008 Brenda Shoshanna
